divinewrites

I am stealing Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” lyrics….

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ladygaga/telephone.html

The no text while driving went into effect two days ago this week.  July 1st saw a terrible accident as a result of someone checking their phone.  He took his eyes off the road for seconds and took the life of a woman with 2 young children  Out of nowhere, hundreds of lives have been irrevocably altered

http://www.keloland.com/newsdetail.cfm/sd-driver-didnt-see-biker-in-deadly-mn-crash/?id=166520

I am not here to negate or condone the ins and outs of appropriate phone and driving etiquette, there is an issue which settles in my gut.  I spoke to a new co-worker today as we traveled back from planting raised garden beds.  My boss reminded me that no longer am I allowed to check my email, text, or make a phone call while driving…I rolled my eyes…”I would NEVER do something like that.”  BS.  I do it all the time.  I know you will insert your own grumble and growl here….I am ashamed to admit to doing so every time I am in the car–I conduct what I anticipate are uber important calls during my 1/2 trek to and from home each day.

It hit me as I got in the car how inappropriate my mindset is.  I cannot believe that I said,  “whatever, I do it all the time.”  WHOA    Then it hit me…..how am I to think that I am so important or the situation presenting itself is of such dire consequence that it needs my attention NOW!  WHOA!

Gulp…This hit me from all sorts of angles.

I work each day in an area I love with everything that I am….I work with people and serve others in ways I could never imagine. Some would mistakenly assume that my work is  to elevate others….to stand back and allow others to shine….to step aside while some weird hierarchy of authority….  The fact is, that it does not exist…there is no hierarchy-there is no trip on authority…what we do as staff and volunteers is shared by all involved.  We share the junk and the jewels…it is the same with all that are involved.

Someone said to me not long ago that if  A or B was not involved in a certain project, it would crumble.  I laughed at that as it fed some of my narcisissim.  Keep in mind, all artist types are a bit narcissistic–we have to be to reveal our guts on paper, canvas, or whatever form it takes.  I wanted to believe that if only B was gone…the project would fold…I at least wanted to believe that if B (me) was gone, it would not take long before the situation would cease to exist.

BULL SHIT

You know how hard it is to admit that?  Are you saying that there are others who could do my job?  Are there others who can do it faster and better than ME?  Who is anyone else to assume that I am not the end-all be-all of existence; thus being so for everyone.  WOW!  Who are others to turn to someone else when they need something done, or that even my saying NO to a request honors others more than it honors me…Wait, that honors someone else?

No?….Naw.  I step aside and give someone else my work and that is honoring?  Back up the train lil blogger…..I am not “giving” anything to anyone…what a wrong insight to assume so is antithetical to what I learn and how I work everyday.  WOW, all that over a text conversation.

No, there is more to that.  If I apply that same concept to other parts of my life..that means that jobs can get done (assuming others choose to do so) without my watchful eye.  Does that mean that my swooping in and saving does more harm than good?  I am not sure I like that.  Maybe I can re-frame that.Maybe I can say that others are so important that sharing the load makes work less a load and more a_______.  Not sure.  Maybe I can say that no call, email, text, or conversation is so important in my world.  If that is true, then that means that people will live and the earth will turn without me. Ouch, that hurts.

Are you saying that if I am not around to do A B C and D, the world would go turning on its axis anyway?  Uh, I don’t like that….I want to believe I am so important that if I do not answer my phone immediately that it will impact people in some major way.  Who knew that I would realize this mode of thinking can actually cause more detriment…It never dawned on me that over-inflation can rip apart the seam of so many lives….my actions can cause a reaction–and not one that is positive.

Now I can take this to an emotional inflation and react all morose over my epiphany.  Or, I can choose to put aside my love of being important and learn to just be…..just be….

May it be so with me.

Shalom

cahl